Secret Agent Tai:
I woke up tired from the night of nothing much and looked at my watch. No one knew that this innocent looking watch contained a laser capable of cutting through an inch of steel and also contained a small explosive device that the New Zealand Secret Service had devised to blowup when I recited the words to the French National Anthem backwards.
I knew I had to continue with my cover as a backpacker travelling through Central American until I found what I had been sent to find.
It was 5:00am and I had to get ready for my pickup going to Tortugero. I had heard through a contact that it was an ideal place to find out some very interesting information.
The minivan picked me up on schedule but I was worried, it was too puntual and the girl behind the hostel counter seemed too friendly and too cute to be working in a place like this.
I quickly got to know the other guys in the van. Jeremy the supposed bricklayer from Cornwall. Jan the biologist from Germany who didnt know anything about birds, flowers or insects and was trying to say that he was a cellular biologist studying the biology of the brain – likely story. Jorge and his wife from Argentina, who had too stronger accent on the caballos and the toallas – to be real. Then there was Antonio from Milan who constantly smoked and claimed not to speak english. All of them appeared very nice but each of them or all of them could have been plants.
I was distracted as we passed through the National parks on our way to Tortuguero. Our guide, who also was under suspicion was rattling on about white face male monkeys that eat meat and he always travels with 4 or 5 females. That he also kills the male offspring so that he is never challenged for leadership – interesting concept… Think I can learn something from these monkeys. Apparently these little fellows even scare the snakes and the snakes will jump out of the trees to try and get away from them. “Beware of flying snakes”.
Our first stop was a banana plantation halfway between San Jose and Tortuguero. A short man came up to me and placed a giant rhino beetle in front of my face. My natural instincts kicked in and I started to raise my hand to deliver the deadly “chow en jincho” chop to his spinal electric nerve. It was a move I had perfected during my 15 years training with the Sushimi Monks of Ethiopia. But at the last moment I pulled my chop and spared his life as I realised he was explaining that the rhino beetle was placed on the banana branches to eat other insects. He never knew how close he was too death.
I decided to relax as he explained that the bananas from Chiquita and DeMonde would take 1 month to get to Europe and that only a certain shape and size were sent. The rest went to the local market.
We continued on to the jump off point to catch a boat out to Tortuguero along the river.
There was a little surprise waiting in the boat. An Amercian girl waiting patiently as we board the open boat. She caught my eye and I could see her undressing me with her eyes. Unfortunately that has always been part of being a secret agent – somehow the opposite sex can sense it. Her eyes were devouring me and she knew I knew.
I pulled my atention away from her and studied my environment. I needed to sort out an escape route if something went wrong. Swimming wasn’t a great option, even though I wont a Silver medal in the Olympic for swimming, I wouldnt be fast enough for the crocodiles. I would need to improvise. There were 100s of birds, toucans, herons… Maybe I could rig some like of flying machines from their feathers. No… too messy. The turtles didnt offer much solution either. I would deal with it later.
Finally arrived to our hotel in the bush on the other side of Tortuguero. After talking to some of the locals I found that I would not be able to meet my contact. He was to be disguised as a green turtle (actually a new miniature submarine invented by our the CIA in 1988 when they were considering invading the Galapogos Islands). However the laying season for the green turtles in from June and so he would not be able to come onshore or he would blow his cover. Another interesting thing they mentioned is that the male green back is literally on the back of the female turtle during 1 whole month to try and fertilise the female. And after the month she give birth on 3 different occasions. Now that is what I call stamina.
Eventually it was time to go bed. The day had turned out to be uneventful on a spy level, but there was always tomorrow. I quickly meditated and did my 600 pushups and 700 situps before putting on my face cream and going to bed. (you can never be too careful about wrinkles)….
OK.. so I was a little bored… Thought I would write my novel tonight. Dont think I will ever be a great writer.. Almost all true, except the thing about the American girl in the boat…. she was Australian!!!